Too Much

There is just too much on my plate right now. Too many decisions to make. To many thoughts to think. Too much to handle.

I don't have the energy. I don't have the time. I don't really even care to try.

I'm stuck in the most uncomfortable situation in my life. I need to get out. I need to take care of me. If only it was easy.

Tired, Exhausted, Overwhelmed. That's me.

Crazy

Life has been crazy lately. So many things going on, and it just doesn't seem like there is enough time in the day to process it all. I have so many things on my mind, so many decisions to make. Its like I am having an internal battle between my heart and my head. At first my head was winning, but my heart is making a powerful comeback. I'm just not sure what to do or what to say or how to act, so I am going to let myself just be and take in every moment as it comes. I will let myself feel every feeling and not suppress any of them away. Only I can decide what is best for me. I am just waiting to figure it all out. I hope that comes soon. Growing up is quite difficult, and I am not so sure I am a big fan yet.

So much fun

I had an absolute blast on Friday. Girls night lived up to all that I wanted it to be and more. We went bar hopping, drank some nifty drinks--some even had lights in them, got 2 bar glasses while we were at it, tried to help the two single gals find some men--but were unsuccessful this time, and danced like no one was watching. I don't know if I could have had more fun. Thank you girls for an amazing night out on the town. I definitely think we made our mark :)

T minus 2 and counting...

Only a few hours remain until the girls night festivities begin. I couldn't be any happier!! I will be joined by two of the most fun people I know...Katie and Amy. I ALWAYS have fun when I am with either one of them, and now I get to have both at the same time...so excited! I wish it wasn't going to drop to 29* tonight, but I guess I will just have to grab a coat and suck it up. Let the fun begin...

Ready for the weekend

This weekend should be a fun one. Tonight Katie and I will veg on the couch and enjoy Grey's Anatomy--we literally worship this show. I believe it will be girls night on Friday--hopefully I can convince Amy to join me. Randall is off to kill Bambi, so I will be enjoying some much needed time with the ladies. Somewhere downtown is calling my name. I just want to get dressed up and paint the town beautiful, and of course enjoy a nice martini or two along the way. Casey is coming in town on Saturday and I am excited to see her beautiful engagement ring up close and personal. I'm sure Katie and I will have amazing time together as well...we seem to have mastered the art of entertaining ourselves. I think you could put the two of us in the bottom of a hole and we would still have fun. She is a peach and I adore her :) Can't wait for the fun to start...

missing my girls

Last night was awful. All I wanted to do was go to a bar and have a few drinks with a girlfriend; instead I sat on my couch and realized that I had no one to call. My friends who do still live here were out of town....and when I looked through my contacts for someone to hang out with, I realized that over 80% of the people in there don't even live in Springfield anymore. It was quite depressing. I shed a good tear or two...I admit it. I guess I just need to take more time to go visit everyone. Only two weeks until I am back in STL, and then the following week is Homecoming so it will be one big reunion :) brighter days are in my future...

my love

Randall has been so freaking amazing lately. He is so attentive to my back, always making sure I am ok and not it too much pain, giving me back rubs to ease the pain when it gets to where I just can't handle anymore. He is really just making me feel loved. I don't know if he is conscious of it or not, but he is just great. It really is the little things that mean the most...the little kisses and "I love yous" that he has been showering me with. He seems to really appreciate everything I do for him. Just last night, when I asked him if he wanted me to make dinner for us, he sounded so excited to be able to enjoy a meal (since our hectic schedules prevent us from doing so together) and he was so appreciative. He grabbed the pots and pans and scrubbed away after the meal was over. I know it is such a little thing, but it is a little thing that means so much. He is just great and I am so lucky to have such a wonderful partner :)

The word of the day...

...is frustration. Just when everything is going so well, my back pain creeps up on me again and clings on for dear life. I am on round 2 of cortisone (and round one went well in my opinion) so I have really been looking forward to some more relief and comfort, but instead, I got pain. My usual pain is gone, but now I have new pain. I hate new pain. It feels like 50 pounds of pressure squeezing together my spine from the middle of my back down to the base. I was expecting some soreness for the first 2-3 days, because that is normal, but I am now on day 4, and still this problem. So, I am frustrated. I don't like being broken, and I don't like admitting that I really do need surgery. I just want to be fixed. I want everything to work. This sucks. It really puts a damper on my day. buh!!