ugh

i had myself a good cry today. i have been a lil ball of stress lately. everything seems to be fine, but i think i just need some me time. it could probably a bit of PMS mixed in, but i have just been overwhelmed lately. i guess i just want everything to happen right now. i want a job with a real salary NOW. i want my own place NOW. my patience is running thin and i think i just need a place to sit and be....just by myself. maybe i will just take myself to a park...sit on a blanket out in the grass with a book or maybe a journal to do some writing. if i had my freaking car i would take myself out for a drive with the windows down and the music blaring...Gus in tote of course. (it's still in the shop. going on day 7 now. gotta love my rental dodge ram hemi. it gets GREAT gas mileage!) everything seems to be getting to me lately....

i'm looking forward to my birthday though....maybe i will make an appointment for a massage that day...maybe get my hair done. i think i am in need of doing something good for myself. if nothing else, i'm sure a trip to the mall will serve me well....sometimes it's the best therapy :)

so far, so good

I just love April...probably because I get to spend the whole month looking forward to my birthday!! Even though I am getting older and birthdays don't really matter, it is fun to get excited like I did when I was little. I have been trying to think of things to put on my birthday list...I still want an iPod. I always love new clothes, but what I really want is my own place. I know it will come in due time, but I am just ready for some more space....some space all to myself. Living at home has been wonderful, don't get me wrong. I couldn't ask for better parents...they saved me from a pretty rocky situation. Its just hard to adjust from having a house full of space to yourself to having only a room to yourself (and when you factor Gus in it makes it all the more difficult). So, once I get some money flowing in, I will be on my way to independent life again. Oh, I finally have a job (not a real job though). I am really enjoying J.Bucks and I have a feeling that I will be making some good money. I am still in search of a big girl job, and I have found some options, its just all about hoping they pan through. My plan is to just get rolling with J.Bucks, and then continue to move forward into the real world. At least I have some of my own income again....I have hated not being financially comfortable as I once used to be. It is quite difficult to be dependent again. I have been enjoying my new boy lately. Paul has been nothing but wonderful to me. It is so nice to be adored and appreciated. His smile says it all...

So, all in all, April has started off well :)