Soooo Bigggg

My lil Gus Gus is officially 1 year old today. Last evening I took him to the beach at the marina and let him play in the water to start the celebration early. It is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. He runs up and down the shoreline OVER and OVER and OVER again. He used to be scared of the water, but now he goes out and plays in it. He tried to be brave and swim...realized he couldn't do that...and scurried up to where he could touch again...I admit that his momma was a lil scared, but I guess he had to learn. He was so worn out from all the running that he pretty much slept all day...but I figured it's his day, and he can do what he wants. When I got home from work I took him to the store and got him Frosty Paws (ice cream for dogs) which he L*O*V*E*D! He seemed to be a fan of the peanut butter flavor cause it was gone in just a few minutes. Of course I got him another toy while I was there....even though I knew it wouldn't last longer than 5 seconds. We have yet to find a toy that he doesn't try to kill...there is no point in getting anything with stuffing...he just tears that out. The so called "indestructible" and "durable" toys were clearly not tested on bulldogs, cause he chews them into pieces immediately. But, since it's his birthday, I got him a lil fat toy and let him tear the crap out of it...stuffing everywhere....squeaker out....nose bit off....ears close to nothing. He had a good time!

So...I think he has had a wonderful 1st year of life filled with lots and lots of love. Happy Birthday Gus Gus!

finding my place...

i have always said i wanted to just go somewhere else...travel the world...start again in a different part of the country....but i have always gotten involved in something or someone which has prevented me from considering that to be an option. so...i'm thinking I am going to expand my job search beyond the St. Louis area. It's not that I want to get out of here, cause i like it a lot...I just know that I won't always have the option to just up and leave. And since my job search around here is going to shit, I figure I may as well expand my horizons :) wish me luck....

ugh

i had myself a good cry today. i have been a lil ball of stress lately. everything seems to be fine, but i think i just need some me time. it could probably a bit of PMS mixed in, but i have just been overwhelmed lately. i guess i just want everything to happen right now. i want a job with a real salary NOW. i want my own place NOW. my patience is running thin and i think i just need a place to sit and be....just by myself. maybe i will just take myself to a park...sit on a blanket out in the grass with a book or maybe a journal to do some writing. if i had my freaking car i would take myself out for a drive with the windows down and the music blaring...Gus in tote of course. (it's still in the shop. going on day 7 now. gotta love my rental dodge ram hemi. it gets GREAT gas mileage!) everything seems to be getting to me lately....

i'm looking forward to my birthday though....maybe i will make an appointment for a massage that day...maybe get my hair done. i think i am in need of doing something good for myself. if nothing else, i'm sure a trip to the mall will serve me well....sometimes it's the best therapy :)

so far, so good

I just love April...probably because I get to spend the whole month looking forward to my birthday!! Even though I am getting older and birthdays don't really matter, it is fun to get excited like I did when I was little. I have been trying to think of things to put on my birthday list...I still want an iPod. I always love new clothes, but what I really want is my own place. I know it will come in due time, but I am just ready for some more space....some space all to myself. Living at home has been wonderful, don't get me wrong. I couldn't ask for better parents...they saved me from a pretty rocky situation. Its just hard to adjust from having a house full of space to yourself to having only a room to yourself (and when you factor Gus in it makes it all the more difficult). So, once I get some money flowing in, I will be on my way to independent life again. Oh, I finally have a job (not a real job though). I am really enjoying J.Bucks and I have a feeling that I will be making some good money. I am still in search of a big girl job, and I have found some options, its just all about hoping they pan through. My plan is to just get rolling with J.Bucks, and then continue to move forward into the real world. At least I have some of my own income again....I have hated not being financially comfortable as I once used to be. It is quite difficult to be dependent again. I have been enjoying my new boy lately. Paul has been nothing but wonderful to me. It is so nice to be adored and appreciated. His smile says it all...

So, all in all, April has started off well :)

feeling splendid

Last weekend was an absolute blast. I took about 100 pics while i was there, most of them being at Skybox, but I am completely ok with that. I just love that place and it was so nice to be back, even for just a bit. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing my favorite regulars...especially the Pecks. I'm so glad David "kicked cancer's ass" as he so happily exclaimed.

I considered going down again this weekend with Josh and Jenni for Josh's lil sis's 21st, but I decided to just stay at home and relax. It would be fun to do St. Patty's down in Springfield again. God knows last year was a good time...at least for Josh and I. Irish car bombs anyone? But I think I can use a weekend of nothingness....just me and Gus.

Home life has been good lately...I have been enjoying hanging out with my high school friends and meeting a few new people along the way :) Although nothing will ever replace Skybox, Monkey Bar and OTP are working their way into my heart :)

T minus 5 and counting

As much as I am lovin being in St. Louie, I am so ready to visit Springfield. It could be that I miss my Katie and my Hannah so much...it's hard to be away from my two very best friends in the world. It could be that I spent 6 wonderful years of my life there and I created so many memories I will cherish the rest of my life. It could be that I miss the bar "where everybody knows your name" and I just need some more Skybox in my life. I know that it is a combination of all of the above, and I cannot wait to spend a good few days in the wonderful world of Springvegas/Springpatch/Springtucky as we have come to call it.

For the past weeks the excitement has started to overcome me. I am almost elated. I have been doing a countdown since it was 10 days away (I felt that it was a little much to start counting down at day 23...haha) I even wanted to start packing a few days ago...then realized I was a little out of my mind and decided to be normal and do it the day before. But I am already in planning mode. I even went to the mall today to buy new clothes like you would if you were going on vacation. I'm hoping it will be my last trip to the mall before I go, but I have a feeling I may just need another thing or two :)

Oh, and if it wasn't already confirmed that Katie and I are two freaking peas in a pod.....well, I had gone to the mall the other day (go figure) and Anne Taylor Loft was having a sale, so of course my feet happened to lead me through the doors and took me to the 75% off sale rack (at least I know how to bargain shop) where I found a cute lil black top among other things. On my way out of the mall, I got a call from Katie...and what do you know...she was on her way to the mall herself. So, I told her to go to Anne Taylor Loft cause of the sale (good friends always pass on news of a good sale). This brings me to today when I got a call from Katie while I was at the mall of course. I told her I was out looking for clothes for my Springfield trip...she laughed...and then told me how excited she was to show me the cutest black top she picked up at Anne Taylor Loft when she was there that day. As she described it to me i just lost it. I was laughing so hard in the middle of H&M cause WE BOUGHT THE SAME FREAKING SHIRT!!! Meant to be....that is all I can say :)

So in a nutshell, I am ready for a reunion. I can't wait to see KiKi and Banana (oh, and Tom Tom) and hopefully I will be able to see some of my other friends while I'm there. My camera is charged and ready to capture the excitement that next weekend will be. See you on Thursday!!!!

sitting, waiting, wishing....

for a J.O.B.

i want a freaking job. i want a job that will pay me what i am worth. i want a job that will pay me in general (apparently some employers think i would work for free). i want a job that will allow me to use my creative juices to do something productive. i worked hard to get where i am....but really i feel like i am nowhere. it's frustrating. i feel like i have hit a wall. i don't know where to look. job search sites SUCK. they don't pull up anything worthwhile...at least not for what i am looking for. i just want to get the ball rolling... i don't wanna do just anything. i want to like my job. at this point, i may just start bartending again and figure it out along the way

cause in the end... a girl just needs some money :)

looking forward...

Life has been grand lately. I have just really been looking forward to what lies next in my life...in every capacity:

• I am excited to start physical therapy tomorrow. I am ready to get my back strong and I am committed to making sure it stays that way. I long for the day I can start to shed these extra pounds I have put on since I am unable to do a full workout...I'm sick of feeling gross and I am ready to feel pretty all over :)


• I am excited to go on a date. I don't remember the last time I went on a date that I didn't initiate myself. Actually...I don't know if that has ever happened in my life. I am just one of those girls who goes after what I want. So it was really nice to be pursued; tomorrow should be a good evening :) that is, as long as the snow storm blowing through doesn't prevent it.


• I am excited for this upcoming weekend. Mardi Gras itself is guaranteed to be a good time, but when you throw in the fact that it will be a sigma/sms reunion it only gets better. So glad to have such fun friends.


• I am excited to finally get this job thing nailed down. It has been frustrating searching...finding I'm either horribly under or over qualified for any position that amuses me. I don't wanna just get a job to have one; I hope it doesn't come down to me having to do that.

All in all...I am excited for the happy days to come....

Oh, and another source of happiness is always Gus...here are some of the latest:

A good start to 07

January has proved to be a good start to the 2007 year. Surgery went well, recovery is going even better, and life in general is just grand. I had an amazing NYE with my college crew, I have had so much fun reuniting with my crew from high school--especially the girls, and I have been really enjoying the fun places that STL has to offer.

my little man

I have been taking pics of Gus lately. i just love the way he poses for me. I can't believe how big he is getting...such a chunker :) He seems to really like it in LSL. I was worried about how he would adapt since he had moved twice in just 2 months, but life happens and he is making it just fine (as is his momma). We have discovered the dog park and I think it may be his most favorite place in the world. He runs with all the big dogs. Plays and plays and plays. Then he makes sure to visit every single person to make sure they love him and of course they always do. I can't believe how well behaved he is around other dogs. I'm so proud!

a beautiful day in my neighborhood

Although the ice storm that came through last night brought some power outages and other problems, it created a beautiful sight for me when I woke up this morning. Sometimes it really is the little things that mean the most. It was quite a risky matter this morning to take these pictures; me falling could be disasterous to my healing. So, I was very careful and my mom worriedly watched. Here are some of the beautiful sights:

Of course I had to include a pic of Gus. I wish I could get rid of the glow in his eyes, but I've tried and it just won't work. I just thought the little icicles hanging off the rail of our deck looked cute, and Gus was really enjoying the fresh air outside today...a perfect combo

It was a success!!!

So yesterday was the big day. I finally went under the knife. I was quite nervous, but decided that would do me no good. So instead, I took every moment in and enjoyed the experience. Every nurse and doctor I came in contact with was amazingly nice to me and I did all that I could to make them laugh. I eventually got known as the girl who giggles. I think that I was the happiest surgery patient these people had ever seen and I hope I provided them a nice change of pace.

The experience itself was quite surreal. I felt like I was on Grey's Anatomy or something; I was just waiting for Dr. McDreamy to come around the corner. He never showed, but there was a fine specimen in the surgery room when I got wheeled in there. And I'm sure he fell in love when he saw me looking all pretty in my hospital gown and hair net. Then they gave me the drugs which they referred to as a "cocktail" and I kept waiting for them to hit. Eventually they said goodnight Allissa...and I was off to lala land. I woke up and was sore, but morphine really helped :) Eventually they had me up and walking, and then I was out the door.

So, now I am recovering at home and I'm doing pretty well. It is difficult to move around, but I am managing. Mom and dad are really helping, and it's so good to have them to help. I am on lots of restrictions, and I'm sure I will soon get bored, but I have a few people coming to visit me, so hopefully that will keep me going. Thank god for good friends :)

it's been so long

so much time has passed since I last posted. So many things have changed in my life. I am home with the folks in STL and loving it. I have had an absolute blast so far--reuniting with my friends from high school and meeting up with my college crew at some sweet places all over STL. It's nice to have a change of scenery...at least a new bar scene has been nice!! Surgery is going to happen in just a few days. I am a little apprehensive and a little excited all at the same time. Life with no pain is just around the corner and I am quite ready to experience it. That is pretty much the only stress in my life right now...well, i no longer have a source of income, and that sucks, but luckily i have a good mom and dad to help me out in that area. Eventually I will enter the real world and earn an income that will allow me to move into big girl status.


Anywho, here are some of my favorite pics from the last few weeks...

me and han at the box

han, me, and kate my 2nd to last night in Springvegas

Fun on graduation night with my chicas

one of my first nights back in STL..we had fun to say the least

New Year's Eve with the girls

Some more fun on NYE

Giving thanks

I was reading Amy's blog...she took the time to write down five things she is thankful for and encouraged the rest of us to do the same, so I am.

1. My family - I don't know how I got so lucky. Everyday I see how lucky I am to have the parents that I do. Relationships like ours are built on so many things, things others were not so fortunate to have: love, honesty, stability, hope, dreams, respect. Not everyone has a relationship like ours. Not everyone has a mom full of so much wisdom that she is able to help with ANY situation. Not everyone has a dad who always makes you feel like his little girl no matter how big you get. They are amazing people, and I get to have them as parents.

2. Life's lessons - I have learned that we travel each road for a purpose, and we will continue to take that road until we learn the lessons necessary for growth. Some are much harder than others; some are filled with smiles and laughter galore. But they are all necessary. Each is just as important as the last. They help guide us to who we really are. They take us to the place we sometimes forget exists. They bring us home. I appreciate every path I have taken in my life, and I so look forward to the roads that lie ahead. Life is wonderful. I will embrace the opportunites that are possible because I am truly blessed.

3. My friends - I truly feel that mine are the best. People always say that its in the hard times that you find out who your true friends are. Well, I have it better than that. It didn't take hard times to prove to me how great my girls are--they are there always. We have built our friendships over many amazing, hilarious, embarrassing, sentimental, drunken, sober, and silly moments. I cherish these girls and love them with all that I have.

4. Shopping (or at least the ability to do it) - I know this a little more on the shallow side, but I am very thankful for it. I love to shop. It is my release. I don't have a problem or anything...I just love all that shopping entails. It sparks my creativity--I get to plan new outfits, consider jewelry and accessories, figure out what I have and what I need. I get to people watch--all sorts come out to the malls and they always prove to be entertaining. I can do it alone and enjoy the time all to myself. I can go with friends and assist them in finding the perfect outfit; it's like I get to play stylist for a day. The best is shopping trips with Mom. We spend the whole day, take as much time as we need, enjoy lunch, and talk, talk, talk. It's wonderful

5. Gus - He brings so much joy to my life. Its crazy how one lil chunker can make you smile with just a look. He is growing up so fast and it is amazing to watch. He loves to snuggle, especially with his momma; he loves me. We are a perfect match. So glad that he is part of my family.

Pictures worth a 1000 words

I was looking through my camera last night and noticed how much fun I have. So many pics to capture so many fun moments. I have great friends, we have a great time together....life is just great!! So happy right now :)

Fall 01 at Tailgate 06

Out celebrating my baby's 21st bday

My new favorite boys..so much fun!

Sharing a yummy drink with my favorite girls

all pretty at the box

Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things...

So, Katie and I went to see Kathy Griffin last night and I don't remember ever laughing so hard in my life. It was absolutely amazing. My first mistake was not taking the time to pee before the show started, cause I was already "dancing" in my chair--add extremely hilarious jokes in the picture and you can imagine why I got a little worried. I thought maybe she would tone her material down since she was in Republican-ville, but I was clearly wrong. One of her first statements was a loud cheer that we got the House and the Senate back. Snaps to that!! Everything was great--from Clay Gaikin to Oprah thinking she's Jesus to the Ambien blackout to Rosie's "lesbians and their children" cruise to the Catholics being kid fu*#ers--it was amazing . If she is ever performing again anywhere near here, count me in. I don't care if it would be the same material, I would still go watch again. If you didn't go, you missed out. What a great night. Life is good!

making it fine

I have been trying to take time to process all that has gone on in the past few days, but I have been so busy I don't know if it has all really hit me. My "support staff" says it is going to soon, but for now I am just taking it step by step. I am pretty calm and collected and okay with myself right now. I know that I really do need to take some time for me and that is my intention. I intend to learn and grow from this experience and take life's lessons with me into my next adventures. I guess it just seems surreal...I look forward to what the future has in store for me, and I don't intend to forget the past. I have many memories I will keep with me the rest of my life. But for now, its still day to day. I know that my schedule will slow down at some point, and maybe it will be then that I really take this all in. Until then, I am going to enjoy all that life brings my way, learn the lessons that I need to learn, and smile through the process.

Too Much

There is just too much on my plate right now. Too many decisions to make. To many thoughts to think. Too much to handle.

I don't have the energy. I don't have the time. I don't really even care to try.

I'm stuck in the most uncomfortable situation in my life. I need to get out. I need to take care of me. If only it was easy.

Tired, Exhausted, Overwhelmed. That's me.

Crazy

Life has been crazy lately. So many things going on, and it just doesn't seem like there is enough time in the day to process it all. I have so many things on my mind, so many decisions to make. Its like I am having an internal battle between my heart and my head. At first my head was winning, but my heart is making a powerful comeback. I'm just not sure what to do or what to say or how to act, so I am going to let myself just be and take in every moment as it comes. I will let myself feel every feeling and not suppress any of them away. Only I can decide what is best for me. I am just waiting to figure it all out. I hope that comes soon. Growing up is quite difficult, and I am not so sure I am a big fan yet.

So much fun

I had an absolute blast on Friday. Girls night lived up to all that I wanted it to be and more. We went bar hopping, drank some nifty drinks--some even had lights in them, got 2 bar glasses while we were at it, tried to help the two single gals find some men--but were unsuccessful this time, and danced like no one was watching. I don't know if I could have had more fun. Thank you girls for an amazing night out on the town. I definitely think we made our mark :)