sitting, waiting, wishing....

for a J.O.B.

i want a freaking job. i want a job that will pay me what i am worth. i want a job that will pay me in general (apparently some employers think i would work for free). i want a job that will allow me to use my creative juices to do something productive. i worked hard to get where i am....but really i feel like i am nowhere. it's frustrating. i feel like i have hit a wall. i don't know where to look. job search sites SUCK. they don't pull up anything worthwhile...at least not for what i am looking for. i just want to get the ball rolling... i don't wanna do just anything. i want to like my job. at this point, i may just start bartending again and figure it out along the way

cause in the end... a girl just needs some money :)

looking forward...

Life has been grand lately. I have just really been looking forward to what lies next in my life...in every capacity:

• I am excited to start physical therapy tomorrow. I am ready to get my back strong and I am committed to making sure it stays that way. I long for the day I can start to shed these extra pounds I have put on since I am unable to do a full workout...I'm sick of feeling gross and I am ready to feel pretty all over :)


• I am excited to go on a date. I don't remember the last time I went on a date that I didn't initiate myself. Actually...I don't know if that has ever happened in my life. I am just one of those girls who goes after what I want. So it was really nice to be pursued; tomorrow should be a good evening :) that is, as long as the snow storm blowing through doesn't prevent it.


• I am excited for this upcoming weekend. Mardi Gras itself is guaranteed to be a good time, but when you throw in the fact that it will be a sigma/sms reunion it only gets better. So glad to have such fun friends.


• I am excited to finally get this job thing nailed down. It has been frustrating searching...finding I'm either horribly under or over qualified for any position that amuses me. I don't wanna just get a job to have one; I hope it doesn't come down to me having to do that.

All in all...I am excited for the happy days to come....

Oh, and another source of happiness is always Gus...here are some of the latest:

A good start to 07

January has proved to be a good start to the 2007 year. Surgery went well, recovery is going even better, and life in general is just grand. I had an amazing NYE with my college crew, I have had so much fun reuniting with my crew from high school--especially the girls, and I have been really enjoying the fun places that STL has to offer.

my little man

I have been taking pics of Gus lately. i just love the way he poses for me. I can't believe how big he is getting...such a chunker :) He seems to really like it in LSL. I was worried about how he would adapt since he had moved twice in just 2 months, but life happens and he is making it just fine (as is his momma). We have discovered the dog park and I think it may be his most favorite place in the world. He runs with all the big dogs. Plays and plays and plays. Then he makes sure to visit every single person to make sure they love him and of course they always do. I can't believe how well behaved he is around other dogs. I'm so proud!

a beautiful day in my neighborhood

Although the ice storm that came through last night brought some power outages and other problems, it created a beautiful sight for me when I woke up this morning. Sometimes it really is the little things that mean the most. It was quite a risky matter this morning to take these pictures; me falling could be disasterous to my healing. So, I was very careful and my mom worriedly watched. Here are some of the beautiful sights:

Of course I had to include a pic of Gus. I wish I could get rid of the glow in his eyes, but I've tried and it just won't work. I just thought the little icicles hanging off the rail of our deck looked cute, and Gus was really enjoying the fresh air outside today...a perfect combo

It was a success!!!

So yesterday was the big day. I finally went under the knife. I was quite nervous, but decided that would do me no good. So instead, I took every moment in and enjoyed the experience. Every nurse and doctor I came in contact with was amazingly nice to me and I did all that I could to make them laugh. I eventually got known as the girl who giggles. I think that I was the happiest surgery patient these people had ever seen and I hope I provided them a nice change of pace.

The experience itself was quite surreal. I felt like I was on Grey's Anatomy or something; I was just waiting for Dr. McDreamy to come around the corner. He never showed, but there was a fine specimen in the surgery room when I got wheeled in there. And I'm sure he fell in love when he saw me looking all pretty in my hospital gown and hair net. Then they gave me the drugs which they referred to as a "cocktail" and I kept waiting for them to hit. Eventually they said goodnight Allissa...and I was off to lala land. I woke up and was sore, but morphine really helped :) Eventually they had me up and walking, and then I was out the door.

So, now I am recovering at home and I'm doing pretty well. It is difficult to move around, but I am managing. Mom and dad are really helping, and it's so good to have them to help. I am on lots of restrictions, and I'm sure I will soon get bored, but I have a few people coming to visit me, so hopefully that will keep me going. Thank god for good friends :)

it's been so long

so much time has passed since I last posted. So many things have changed in my life. I am home with the folks in STL and loving it. I have had an absolute blast so far--reuniting with my friends from high school and meeting up with my college crew at some sweet places all over STL. It's nice to have a change of scenery...at least a new bar scene has been nice!! Surgery is going to happen in just a few days. I am a little apprehensive and a little excited all at the same time. Life with no pain is just around the corner and I am quite ready to experience it. That is pretty much the only stress in my life right now...well, i no longer have a source of income, and that sucks, but luckily i have a good mom and dad to help me out in that area. Eventually I will enter the real world and earn an income that will allow me to move into big girl status.


Anywho, here are some of my favorite pics from the last few weeks...

me and han at the box

han, me, and kate my 2nd to last night in Springvegas

Fun on graduation night with my chicas

one of my first nights back in STL..we had fun to say the least

New Year's Eve with the girls

Some more fun on NYE

Giving thanks

I was reading Amy's blog...she took the time to write down five things she is thankful for and encouraged the rest of us to do the same, so I am.

1. My family - I don't know how I got so lucky. Everyday I see how lucky I am to have the parents that I do. Relationships like ours are built on so many things, things others were not so fortunate to have: love, honesty, stability, hope, dreams, respect. Not everyone has a relationship like ours. Not everyone has a mom full of so much wisdom that she is able to help with ANY situation. Not everyone has a dad who always makes you feel like his little girl no matter how big you get. They are amazing people, and I get to have them as parents.

2. Life's lessons - I have learned that we travel each road for a purpose, and we will continue to take that road until we learn the lessons necessary for growth. Some are much harder than others; some are filled with smiles and laughter galore. But they are all necessary. Each is just as important as the last. They help guide us to who we really are. They take us to the place we sometimes forget exists. They bring us home. I appreciate every path I have taken in my life, and I so look forward to the roads that lie ahead. Life is wonderful. I will embrace the opportunites that are possible because I am truly blessed.

3. My friends - I truly feel that mine are the best. People always say that its in the hard times that you find out who your true friends are. Well, I have it better than that. It didn't take hard times to prove to me how great my girls are--they are there always. We have built our friendships over many amazing, hilarious, embarrassing, sentimental, drunken, sober, and silly moments. I cherish these girls and love them with all that I have.

4. Shopping (or at least the ability to do it) - I know this a little more on the shallow side, but I am very thankful for it. I love to shop. It is my release. I don't have a problem or anything...I just love all that shopping entails. It sparks my creativity--I get to plan new outfits, consider jewelry and accessories, figure out what I have and what I need. I get to people watch--all sorts come out to the malls and they always prove to be entertaining. I can do it alone and enjoy the time all to myself. I can go with friends and assist them in finding the perfect outfit; it's like I get to play stylist for a day. The best is shopping trips with Mom. We spend the whole day, take as much time as we need, enjoy lunch, and talk, talk, talk. It's wonderful

5. Gus - He brings so much joy to my life. Its crazy how one lil chunker can make you smile with just a look. He is growing up so fast and it is amazing to watch. He loves to snuggle, especially with his momma; he loves me. We are a perfect match. So glad that he is part of my family.

Pictures worth a 1000 words

I was looking through my camera last night and noticed how much fun I have. So many pics to capture so many fun moments. I have great friends, we have a great time together....life is just great!! So happy right now :)

Fall 01 at Tailgate 06

Out celebrating my baby's 21st bday

My new favorite boys..so much fun!

Sharing a yummy drink with my favorite girls

all pretty at the box

Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things...

So, Katie and I went to see Kathy Griffin last night and I don't remember ever laughing so hard in my life. It was absolutely amazing. My first mistake was not taking the time to pee before the show started, cause I was already "dancing" in my chair--add extremely hilarious jokes in the picture and you can imagine why I got a little worried. I thought maybe she would tone her material down since she was in Republican-ville, but I was clearly wrong. One of her first statements was a loud cheer that we got the House and the Senate back. Snaps to that!! Everything was great--from Clay Gaikin to Oprah thinking she's Jesus to the Ambien blackout to Rosie's "lesbians and their children" cruise to the Catholics being kid fu*#ers--it was amazing . If she is ever performing again anywhere near here, count me in. I don't care if it would be the same material, I would still go watch again. If you didn't go, you missed out. What a great night. Life is good!

making it fine

I have been trying to take time to process all that has gone on in the past few days, but I have been so busy I don't know if it has all really hit me. My "support staff" says it is going to soon, but for now I am just taking it step by step. I am pretty calm and collected and okay with myself right now. I know that I really do need to take some time for me and that is my intention. I intend to learn and grow from this experience and take life's lessons with me into my next adventures. I guess it just seems surreal...I look forward to what the future has in store for me, and I don't intend to forget the past. I have many memories I will keep with me the rest of my life. But for now, its still day to day. I know that my schedule will slow down at some point, and maybe it will be then that I really take this all in. Until then, I am going to enjoy all that life brings my way, learn the lessons that I need to learn, and smile through the process.

Too Much

There is just too much on my plate right now. Too many decisions to make. To many thoughts to think. Too much to handle.

I don't have the energy. I don't have the time. I don't really even care to try.

I'm stuck in the most uncomfortable situation in my life. I need to get out. I need to take care of me. If only it was easy.

Tired, Exhausted, Overwhelmed. That's me.

Crazy

Life has been crazy lately. So many things going on, and it just doesn't seem like there is enough time in the day to process it all. I have so many things on my mind, so many decisions to make. Its like I am having an internal battle between my heart and my head. At first my head was winning, but my heart is making a powerful comeback. I'm just not sure what to do or what to say or how to act, so I am going to let myself just be and take in every moment as it comes. I will let myself feel every feeling and not suppress any of them away. Only I can decide what is best for me. I am just waiting to figure it all out. I hope that comes soon. Growing up is quite difficult, and I am not so sure I am a big fan yet.

So much fun

I had an absolute blast on Friday. Girls night lived up to all that I wanted it to be and more. We went bar hopping, drank some nifty drinks--some even had lights in them, got 2 bar glasses while we were at it, tried to help the two single gals find some men--but were unsuccessful this time, and danced like no one was watching. I don't know if I could have had more fun. Thank you girls for an amazing night out on the town. I definitely think we made our mark :)

T minus 2 and counting...

Only a few hours remain until the girls night festivities begin. I couldn't be any happier!! I will be joined by two of the most fun people I know...Katie and Amy. I ALWAYS have fun when I am with either one of them, and now I get to have both at the same time...so excited! I wish it wasn't going to drop to 29* tonight, but I guess I will just have to grab a coat and suck it up. Let the fun begin...

Ready for the weekend

This weekend should be a fun one. Tonight Katie and I will veg on the couch and enjoy Grey's Anatomy--we literally worship this show. I believe it will be girls night on Friday--hopefully I can convince Amy to join me. Randall is off to kill Bambi, so I will be enjoying some much needed time with the ladies. Somewhere downtown is calling my name. I just want to get dressed up and paint the town beautiful, and of course enjoy a nice martini or two along the way. Casey is coming in town on Saturday and I am excited to see her beautiful engagement ring up close and personal. I'm sure Katie and I will have amazing time together as well...we seem to have mastered the art of entertaining ourselves. I think you could put the two of us in the bottom of a hole and we would still have fun. She is a peach and I adore her :) Can't wait for the fun to start...

missing my girls

Last night was awful. All I wanted to do was go to a bar and have a few drinks with a girlfriend; instead I sat on my couch and realized that I had no one to call. My friends who do still live here were out of town....and when I looked through my contacts for someone to hang out with, I realized that over 80% of the people in there don't even live in Springfield anymore. It was quite depressing. I shed a good tear or two...I admit it. I guess I just need to take more time to go visit everyone. Only two weeks until I am back in STL, and then the following week is Homecoming so it will be one big reunion :) brighter days are in my future...

my love

Randall has been so freaking amazing lately. He is so attentive to my back, always making sure I am ok and not it too much pain, giving me back rubs to ease the pain when it gets to where I just can't handle anymore. He is really just making me feel loved. I don't know if he is conscious of it or not, but he is just great. It really is the little things that mean the most...the little kisses and "I love yous" that he has been showering me with. He seems to really appreciate everything I do for him. Just last night, when I asked him if he wanted me to make dinner for us, he sounded so excited to be able to enjoy a meal (since our hectic schedules prevent us from doing so together) and he was so appreciative. He grabbed the pots and pans and scrubbed away after the meal was over. I know it is such a little thing, but it is a little thing that means so much. He is just great and I am so lucky to have such a wonderful partner :)

The word of the day...

...is frustration. Just when everything is going so well, my back pain creeps up on me again and clings on for dear life. I am on round 2 of cortisone (and round one went well in my opinion) so I have really been looking forward to some more relief and comfort, but instead, I got pain. My usual pain is gone, but now I have new pain. I hate new pain. It feels like 50 pounds of pressure squeezing together my spine from the middle of my back down to the base. I was expecting some soreness for the first 2-3 days, because that is normal, but I am now on day 4, and still this problem. So, I am frustrated. I don't like being broken, and I don't like admitting that I really do need surgery. I just want to be fixed. I want everything to work. This sucks. It really puts a damper on my day. buh!!

Sooooooo Big...

My little Gus is getting so big. I can't believe how much he has grown in such a short time...up 14 pounds in only 5 weeks. We didn't think he was going to get very big, but I think we may have been wrong. I am excited for his little peanut head to bulk out. His wrinkles are starting to develop more, and he is getting cuter every day. It is so fun to watch him "grow up" too. He plays just like a little boy...just goes and goes until there is nothing left. He is curious just like a baby...very observant just as this picture shows. As much work and effort he requires, I wouldn't trade him for the world. He has brought a different kind of joy to my life. I now truly understand why they say a dog is man's best friend. He really does love me; I can just feel it. His kisses are sincere and his snuggles are genuine. He was the best birthday gift I have ever received. Gus is the gift that keeps on giving...so thank you Randall for finding our little treasure.